Have you ever felt an emptiness in your heart because of someone’s absence? I don’t mean someone who is just in another country or such…. but someone who’s not in your life anymore.
The worst case scenario would be the death of someone. And that can sadly never be changed. And then it is not always their choice to be gone forever.
But in other cases the person chose to walk away. They might not even be far geographically but their heart is. And damn they are leaving an emptiness in your heart… an ache that you want to see end. All you wish for is for their return.
I even feel like throwing a fit at God like a child would… to beg Him to bring him back. It hurts so much that it becomes like a fear or a panicky feeling. If you let yourself be overwhelmed by emotions…. then you simply lose it. It becomes irrational.
Right now I almost wish I could throw a fit… but then I know it would not do anything. Like begging him to give our friendship another chance would not do anything.
And so I am left with that emptiness in me… that breaks my heart. I told him that I can live fine without him in my life… but life would be so much better with him in it. And right now my life has lost its a Norwegian spice… because it’s lost him.
And nothing can seem to fill that emptiness. I wish I was a good enough Christian that God would be given that place. But I don’t seem to be able to do that even when I try.
I hate that emptiness. I hate that ache in my heart. I hate his absence and his silence. I hate this hopelessness and helplessness. I hate that I cannot seem to see a happy ending. I hate that I am not able to believe in happier days. I hate the fact that I believe life will not give me a break anytime soon and I am completely drained after so much efforts.
I miss him so much it hurts.