When someone chooses to take some distance from you… you can either let go or try to fight for that relationship. My personal desire is to fix things when they seem a little broken. Of course, not with everyone… some people don’t belong to our lives.
Anyways… when someone tells you that maybe time can heal the broken relationship without certainty… what do you do?
Do you leave them alone and let that “time” maybe heal the broken parts? Or do you try to help the “time” do the work? Do you let it all go or do you keep the hope alive for the friendship to be mended?
If that friendship matters so much, it will be hard to let go and walk away. Even if people will tell you to do that… Let’s be real. A parent will rarely walk away from a child with whom they’ve had issues. It can happen, but it’s probably not what happens usually. The difference is… the blood and the family ties.
But don’t you think that someone could count for you as much as a family member? Probably so… otherwise would we marry? Fall in love? And so… for those people it’s easier to walk away… but does that mean we should do it? Nope…
Personally I have chosen to give space to that person. He obviously needs it if he decided at some point that I was too present. BUT does that mean I NEVER reach out, never show that I am present? That I totally let go and vanish? Can that really help the situation?
Certainly some people come back in your lives later one… after you’ve lost sight of them. But let’s be real… it more often than not does not happen like that. So the choice is to walk on the thin line of: 1) giving that person space but 2) showing that you still care and remember them.
Sure I’d like to be able to fix what was broken on his side. I apologized for my mistakes, I have expressed most of my emotions. I also cannot take all the blame for what happened. But I cannot just fix it all. It takes 2 to be in a good relationship. And alone I cannot make it happen. That is when I have to allow time to heal. Allow God to move also. But while doing so I won’t just… abandon him. To me it would not make any sense. I am willing to work on things. I have to show it. Like I have to show that I understood my mistakes and do not want to repeat them.
I was too present… I have to give him space. I was pressuring him… I have to not ask questions. I want our friendship above it all… I have to act as a friend, not as a woman who wants more. It is not easy…
But also… what matters during that time is to work on myself. On those bad patterns that I repeat over and over again. So that I can find inner peace and self-confidence, self-worth, self-esteem without needing the approval of others.
I would LOVE to have the remedy to fix this… I miss him. I miss my friend so much. Our contact… hearing from him about his life… sharing parts of it. It was a valuable friendship that I cannot see belonging to just a short period of my life. And so a quick fix would be awesome. But it is not happening that way. Maybe while I have to learn, he does too… so we will see.
Hard to hope, to believe, to have the faith… but I cannot let go what is so valuable.