You might have read my previous post… and so, here is the step I decided to take afterwards.I prepared an email that I had a couple people read so that it would not be too much. Too emotional or accusing or whatever else that would make a friend (especially a man friend) run away…

And I sent it yesterday.

Now another process has started for me. A different kind of waiting. I wrote this email to apologize for something I have been doing for years, not on purpose, but that was too much for anyone… myself first! And it’s time to recognize it and not make it not so important if the person knows me. It was also me trying to reach out to my friend after 3 weeks of silence (well more…).

Did he write back? did he call? did he text? Nope… did he read the email? I believe he might have. How do I know? Because he’s finally read the texts I had sent to him on whatsapp. Is that a positive thing? Maybe… maybe not. It’s a step but no idea in which direction.

So what is there to do? Start again the bad cycle of going crazy, freaking out, etc? No… I cannot do that to myself. And I cannot harass him with with messages. I have to give him time.

Time for what? Well in best case scenarios… to get back in touch, talk and move on as friends again. Other scenarios are yet possible… such as… get in touch but call it quits. Or the worst case scenario… not get in touch at all.

It’s hard not knowing where it is going… if anywhere. Would that be my last attempt? I don’t think so, knowing how I am. But I cannot follow it up with another one right away. I just have to try and let it go… let God. It’s scary. But all I did was being honest, caring… and opening the door. So we will see…

One can hope for the best. One can prepare for the worst. In the end, we never know cause it involves another mind/heart.

So to be continued…

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