So this week I really f***ed up… It’s not that what I did was terribly bad, but it sure was not smart and fruitful… not wise.

One morning I woke up feeling insecure and wanting reassurance. But, like many women, instead of trying to easier reason with myself OR address it straight… I texted some pathetic message to the person concerned. An hour later I was already regretting it. I did not want to sound clingy, needy, insecure, pathetic… like I did not want to put any pressure on him because he is going through a rough time. So I tried to tell him not to read it, to ignore it… but who would really DO that? I probably wouldn’t.

Yet… he did NOT interpret it for what it was (needy, clingy, pathetic), but he took it as me blaming and judging him for not talking to me more. So he got upset as it has been a very sensitive topic lately for him. I had to say it was not about him… and explained the true meaning of the message which does NOT make me look pretty. Before hearing about the meaning, he did say we’d talk about it at some later point. But anyways… now I am left without any news.

Result: I gotta give him time. Second result: what I was scared to see happen, I made it happen myself with a stupid ass text.

FINAL RESULT: THIS SUCKS and I suck too!

When you f*** up, it’s good to apologize. Like I think it’s good to be honest even if it plays against you. And learn from it… Be patient with the person you’ve upset too, let them come around. I won’t tell you for how long cause I am still trying to figure that one out! And maybe learn from it… if you can.

Personally I am disappointed in myself cause I knew I was not to send that. It bit me even more in the ass than I was scared of… Now I just wish I could fix it, especially with someone I care so much about and who is not doing so well lately. But I gotta be patient and silent, while missing him tons.

We always got room for improvement but sometimes it feels like we repeat the same mistake too often. It sucks… I just gotta hope I haven’t lost him. And that he’ll come back… and that we can put that in the past, as something that got us closer. Maybe… hopefully…

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