Growing up I never felt fully visible. I think many of us have felt like we were different… not always understood… no special close friends… no one to really talk and share with.
The problem with that is that it creates a desire to be recognized and seen. We want then to be loved, accepted. We want to belong… It does not mean we are not happy or that we are isolated and alone. Not at all. Personally I got some friends, I got a lovely family… I do feel different still and misunderstood… but less on my own. Well, most of the time. But I still do feel the need to be recognized as someone valuable. Call that neediness… insecurity… lack of confidence… Or call it a normal feeling to have at times.
But the problem can come back. We can feel again like when we were little… on the side… invisible. How? Well, something has been repeating itself in my life. It’s when I became the secret of a man. What do I mean?
You may hang out with a guy and spend time with him and other common people you may know. But ONLY with those people. And when you are with those people, you are JUST a friend. Even if something else happens behind closed doors. They will NEVER admit you’re something else. Because… well… you’re not. You’re not valued, recognized, appreciated in a public manner. And to the people OUTSIDE of your group of common friends? You’re nothing. You have to be totally non-existent. You are hidden… like a secret. And nothing should EVER transpire to make people think that maybe there is something more… In the worst case scenario, you don’t even hang out with anyone from the outside. If you see each other, it’s only one on one. If in public, forget it… you don’t exist.
Have you ever been in that situation? I have… repeatedly. And today I felt the same way yet again. And it’s not right. We should not accept that. Why? Because unless you want to hide something yourself… WHO WANTS TO BE HIDDEN? WHO? I never wanted to mean nothing. I never wanted to be a dirty secret. Something to be ashamed of… something they wouldn’t want to “own” in front of others. The fact that they see you, well… that is not good for some reason. And in my eyes, if one feels that way in the first place, they should simply NOT see that person.
I’d much prefer that someone would NOT see me at all than to turn into some secret thing that some people should not know about.
So if you do that to someone… and you KNOW that it’s not right but you cannot let that “secret” out… well then stop seeing that person. A person is not a toy you can put in a drawer when you don’t need it. We are not a toy that you can take out whenever you’re alone and no one sees you. We are valuable. We deserve to be loved, accepted. And if you do not want to do that with us… while you KNOW that we would LOVE to do that with you… then just say your goodbyes and leave us. We should be visible to all or not at all.
Because after all… “No one puts baby in the corner… “