I just spend over two weeks on vacation in the US. And as usual it was hard to leave. It always feels like you go back to a gloomy reality while you could more or less escape it while away.
However I did make this one something unique… by going to other crossfit, by getting a sunburn, by getting a tattoo, fainting and eating my head so that I almost had to have stitches. I also got to see how loved I am… in an amazing way. By many. And how God loves me because by seeing the first man I fell in love with, I was glad not to be with him. It’s not a good life he has in my eyes… and I could never share it as I aspire to more. But yes… this trip will leave its marks… literally. Scar and drawing on my skin. I am blessed. No matter what. Life is full of people that will love you wherever you are. Just step out and let them meet you.
And as I sit waiting for my last plane home… I don’t want to go back. It sounds lifeless. It sounds as if I will meet too many unhappy people, dissatisfied about life… the idea of going back to work is not so pleasant. The stress and frustration of it and the unknown future of a maybe new job.
And then there is him…. I talked about him while I was gone. I thought of him too… missed him. People agree that I need to let him go even if some thought maybe he’ll come back around. I wish I could believe that. But I cannot. He has not responded and I know he’s passing his tests. But still… and i am so terribly afraid of meeting him with that girl. There was no such risk when I was away. I don’t want my heart to hurt more. Again. So I don’t want to take that flight. To go back. But I have to…
I have to remember how amazing and unique that trip was. How blessed and loved I am. How I will go back. And how I made great memories with great people.