There are things that sometimes you know but don’t want to hear or read. Why? Because they hurt. And knowing them is enough already… Unfortunately there is no way to stop them from coming your way.
Lately, every mention of the man I fell for being in a relationship… is something that stabs at my heart. And I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to know that others know about that. I don’t want to know that he’s talked about it with others. Why? Because it makes it real. And I wish it wasn’t. It’s not exactly mature to want to escape reality, to not face it. And I cannot avoid it forever.
I have to say as well that my imagination is already torturing me enough without the great help of other people who don’t realize what they are doing. Like I don’t want others to walk on eggshells with me. All I can call that is a stupid situation.
You’re trying to swim out of those muddy waters but people add a pile of mud on top of your head and you sink a bit again. And then you start freaking out inside looking around you, and you sink again. It’s a tough fight and I am not the best swimmer.
Can I let EVERYONE know not to mention those things? NO!!! I don’t want everybody to know what happened. I don’t want people to look at me in a weird way… to ask him questions too. My pride would rather that nothing comes out so I don’t feel like I am seen as the stupid pathetic one. I refuse to be that.
But yeah… those words hurt. The comments hurt. The memories hurt. The reality hurts. And yet you gotta face it. You cannot avoid it. I could stay home… isolate myself. But that’s not fixing the issue… So we all gotta endure, wait patiently for the day when it won’t hurt us anymore.