Once you go down, you got two options: Stay down or get back up.
I am known not to be a quitter. But maybe I might stay down a bit longer at times… which is now the case.
Some might wonder: why get back up? Because there are things worth getting back up for. Like family, friends, being able to make a change in this world even if small, and so on.
There is always something to be grateful for. And we have to see those things… to say thank you to God for them. Ungratefulness would only make your heart rot… taint it with darkness. And this world is dark enough without you adding to it. We get hurt, we get broken. But we shouldn’t let others break as well or spread the hurt. Never… and it would get spread if we let it all out. Saying cynical, mean, rude, egotistical, self-centered, negative, depressive, vengeful because of how low we feel… it would bring lots of sadness to those who do love us. And I refuse to do that. I even refuse to do it to strangers who have good thoughts toward me. I will break the circle of heartless attitudes toward others.
However, for a while, I want to be allowed to feel the way I feel. I know in my head how I should react and what I should be doing. All is easy in theory and reasoning. But not easy when you have to somehow give up your dream and when you feel you’ve been let down and left unprotected from yourself and from unrequited love.
But I will get up. I have to. For my parents, for my friends. Because maybe I can still help others. Because I can still smile and help others. I might not be at my best right now… but later on, hopefully I will be able to give again. Without forcing it because I feel drained. It’ll come back. Life has some beauty in it and I don’t want to be ungrateful.
I will get back up. I will stand up. I will be me. Remain me even through the pain and the tough things I went through. I will still want to help others and make a difference. Love might be out of the question in the future. It has to be ok. Maybe the death of this dream of marriage will only help me get closer to what I am to do for this world. I am no superman. But if I can make a few people happier… save them somehow… give them hope… then I will.
A part of me died… I got hurt when I fell. But I will get back up.